Dandy Dillinger

The Slipper Room, Lower East Side

“You're losing a part of yourself. And then when you realize that that part of you was having control over so many other aspects of your life like, not to get too into it, but like, I lost my sex drive, I lost my sex appeal, I didn't look in the mirror anymore. I put on a good 15 pounds and none of my clothes fit so it was like nothing that I would like to wear to feel good about myself. I don't have these events to go to to get all dolled up for I live with my partner and I didn't like Don't you know, want to be touched because I don't feel sexy. It's like you. Having that release brings that sexuality and empowerment into all aspects of your life and then when you lose it, it's like a huge part of you is gone.

I started two new costumes like in February those were never finished. I haven't really I've done like two online shows but they just like make you depressed because then you're like alone and naked drunk in your living room. And yeah, I did one live show around Thanksgiving. It was like in a courtyard and even that, like, it was like 10 people and it feels nice, but it's not—it’s not the same energy that you get from like, actual audience.

With the pastry too, it's like, I've always like considered myself kind of like a jack of all trades have been able to do all these different things. And then it's the first time in 33 years where like, you kind of feel irrelevant like there's nothing that I can contribute to the world anymore because we don't have restaurants and we don't have live entertainment and we don't have nightlife and it's like, well, I got nothing for you because that's, that's what I had to offer you”